Picture this.
You walk into a large conference room with a nametag stickered to your Nordstrom rack blazer. You look around frantically for someone your recognize. You hover back, trying to pick out which group looks the easiest to break in to. You may even hang out by the snack table as a way to have something to do.
Sound familiar? If you are anything like me, walking into a networking event feels about as fun as walking into a lion’s den wearing a a meat bikini (I see you Lady Gaga). The truth is, while I shine when giving presentations to large audiences, something about networking puts me on edge. I could write the inauguration speech and deliver it to a crowd of 10,000 without breaking a sweat, but put me in a room where I am forced to make small talk about the weather and distance via Los Angeles freeways and my stomach is in knots.
However, networking is a necessary component of your 20s. While the moniker “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know” may seem old fashioned, 85% of individuals are hired because of their connections and networking. Whether it is finding new clients, scoping out a new job, or making friends in a new city, networking is crucial.
For those introverts out there, here are some simple ways to make the experience of going to a networking event a little less daunting.
1. Always have something in your hand
“What do I do with my hands?!” is the first thing I think of when taking photos or walking into an event with a crowd I don’t know. Putting your hands in your pockets or across your chest conveys an attitude that you aren’t open to conversation, so what do you do with those darn hands? Have something in them. Perhaps it is a drink if the networking event is at a bar, or even just some of your business cards. Having something in your hands helps you feel more control. Now, don’t take this to the extreme. I am, through and through, a nervous fiddler. I usually only notice it because sometimes if I am out in a situation and meeting new people my partner will take my hand to let me know I have been fiddling (biting nails, twisting my earring, playing with a necklace, etc.) On the receiving end, once at a dance my date spent the evening tearing the labels off of three water bottles into minuscule pieces. Nerves are real, but finding out a productive way to have something in your hands is the first tip to success. Plus, if you need time to think, you can take a sip of water at an opportune moment or excuse yourself to refill your glass to escape an awkward conversation.
2. Hang out near the exit from the bar
Along those lines, hang out near the exit from the bar. As Vanessa Van Edwards brilliantly lays out in “Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People”, this is one of the top places for meeting people. There are certain traps that people fall into in terms of where to stand at networking events:
Near the entrance: When someone is walking into an event, there are a ton of reasons they could not be ready to talk to you. Maybe they are feeling rushed because they arrived late, they need to go to the bathroom, they are looking around to see if their friends are here yet, etc. If you stand near the entrance to a networking event, you are more likely to have conversations where the participant is distracted and unsettled.
Near the bathroom: Ah yes, a quite place to talk with more space to stretch out. However, that space is probably empty for a reason. No one wants to hang out talking by the bathroom all night, and the people who are walking in your direction are probably walking that way for a different reason than your pleasant conversation.
Near the food table: Now, hanging out near the food table can be good for awhile, but don’t make it your permanent home all night. Sure, it gives you something to hold in your hand and the ability to make small talk over the fact that they paired the wrong cheese with the cracker type (no, just me?), but then what? People come to the food table because they want to grab some food. It is hard to talk about your newest book proposal through a mouthful of stuffed mushrooms.
Whether you drink or not, hanging out near the exit of the bar gives you an opportunity to catch people after they have settled in, grabbed a drink, and are now looking for someone to talk to.
3. Have a connecter
We all have connectors in our lives. You know, those people that seem to know everyone? The phrase “Can you connect me with them?” and “Is there anyone you would recommend I speak to about ______?” are your friends. This doesn’t even need to be done at a networking event! Chances are people you know also know people who could be beneficial to you. If you find out someone has a connection, ask. No, I am not saying, “I know your Uncle is Spielberg, can you get me in his movie?” (I see you Los Angeles), but ask genuine questions. In my last few conversations with political organizers in Southern California (all across different areas) we all have found out we have one particular person in common. She is a connector. The last time I interviewed for a job, I let people know I was interviewing and a friend happened to know my interviewer. We all have connections. If you were invited to a networking event by someone, ask if there is anyone they know in the crowd who works in a specific field you are interested in. We can all be connections to each other (#ShineTheory!).
4. Go to events with a low barrier to entry
If you an introvert, set yourself up for success by going to events with a low barrier to entry. If you know that you feel uncomfortable going to large scale networking conferences, don’t do that, go to local mixers. If you don’t feel comfortable being in a bar, don’t go to a mixer there. If you know that driving to the opposite side of town at 5PM will make you flustered, make note of that before committing. If you show up to an event uncomfortable, flustered, and annoyed, it isn’t going to do you any favors. Look for events in locations where you thrive, whether that is a type of event (formal speed dating style, free mixer, meet-up) or location (bars, restaurants, conferences). Find situations where you can thrive and build your networking plan around that.
5. Set a numbers goal for yourself
It is okay if you don’t walk away from an event having formed meaningful connections with every single person in the room. In fact, that probably won’t happen. Instead, if you are dreading going to a networking event, give yourself a realistic metric, such as having exchanged business cards with 5 people, spending an hour at the event, or giving your elevator pitch to 10 people (practice makes perfect!). By giving yourself something to focus on, it helps make the event feel less daunting. And who knows! Maybe you will have an amazing time and surpass your goal!
What are your networking tips? Post them in the comments so we can all support each other!